I once believed that I was in the darkest depths of hell, I felt like my world was completely spiraling out of control with my debilitating symptoms, one word stood out, "surrender".
I had no idea what my future held, no idea if I was going to be okay, no idea if my little family of three was going to withstand this. But, I knew deep down that whatever this was, I was going to make meaning from whatever was going to happen.
I was forced to begin to face that my life was not perfect, I wasn't perfect, but that was okay. I had to begin to let go of what once was, what I once was.
I surrendered to let go, not to give up. I surrendered to survive.
By surrendering to my unwanted symptoms, this took their power away. Surrendering put me back in the drivers seat of my life again.
I began to let go and surrender to feelings of hopelessness, fear and pain. Once I opened my heart and brain to this, everything began to change. I stopped waiting for change and healing, I began to see myself as capable and good. I started to love myself the way that I was.
I realized that I could no longer look to the past or the future.
Here's what I did instead:
1.Claimed my healing
Healing is ours, but we must begin to claim it. I began to do this by telling my story of becoming well. I could begin to reclaim my power by visualizing it, imagining it.
I wrote down what I wanted to achieve in healing, how I was going to do it.
I called all my power back by envisioning my destination.
2. I let go
When I let go, I was able to create space for healing. Letting go of the negative habits that weren't helping me. Letting go of negative energy and thoughts. Letting go of negative people and unhealthy relationships.
Letting go of the need of what happens next.
3. I looked at the meaning and the purpose
I began to not cling to the past anymore or worry about the future. I lived in the present. It takes courage to live here in the present. Presence is my own path, it helped me to be brave in the moment, trusting my inner dialogue and beliefs of healing.
My purpose was to heal, I knew by living each day in the present I would get there. I knew my purpose was to help others heal, and guide them in the present.
I get it, there are days that you want to give up.
When you feel like this say, "I surrender".
I always use a quote I heard, "surrendering doesn't mean giving up, it means letting go".
Trust yourself , your inner strength and knowledge. You too can get to a place of healing and wellness once again.